Kristjan Vingel

How to be interesting in social situations

January 17, 2020

To appear interesting, you first have to be interested in it.

We tend to focus too much on ourselves. In a conversation, we think ahead of “cool” things to say. We try to be interesting this way.

This is not the way to do it.

It’s the same principle that says that if you want to be a leader, you have to be a follower, if you want to be a writer, you have to be a reader, to be a speaker, you must be a listener first, etc.

So, if you want to be an interesting conversationalist, you have to be first interested in others before they can find you interesting.

That means excuses such as “I’m not an interesting person,” “I have nothing interesting to say,” are invalid. These are just examples of the “me-me-me” egotism: “poor me; it’s all about me.”

Also, it’s not only about what others are saying in a specific conversation, but also about your ineterest in the world in general.

If you are interested in different things, you will become interesting automatically.

This is because, if you’re passionate about something, you’ll infect others with this passion as well. Just like laughter, other states of mind are likewise transferrable.

On the other hand, if you’re e.g., pretending to be interested in something that you really don’t care about, then it shines through and leaves others indifferent.


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Kristjan Vingel