Kristjan Vingel

People who have good social skills all have this one trait

November 05, 2019

If there’s one thing that the people who are great at socializing have in common, it’s the ability to communicate their character very fast. Very fast!

You’ll know exactly who you’re dealing with after just a couple of seconds of interacting. There a clear signal coming out of them. There’s no wavering or wishy-washyness. In seconds you know what type of person they are.

When we do or say something, we have an intent behind it. E.g., you have an intent to ask a stranger for a question. However, there can be other conflicting intents as well. Maybe also, you have an intent to look cool or not get rejected. This means your original intent is now divided - it’s not clear anymore. You want one thing, but you also want something else. It’s like driving with breaks on.

This is why confident people with good social skills are so charismatic. They don’t worry about looking cool or anything else except what their intent is directed towards. If they listen, they listen 100%. They don’t divide their intent to 50% by also thinking about what they could say next.

I believe this - just as almost anything in life - can be trained. We should be very clear in what we want, say, or do.

If you’re talking to the other person, the intent should be clear. If you want something, make it clear to the other person. If you just want to chat, then make that clear.

If we’re going to do something, then we should do it, not just half-ass it.


← back to homepage

Kristjan Vingel