Don’t seek for recognition

Seeking for recognition implies that you’re not in control. You’re essentially at the mercy of the other person. If that person can validate you, he can also take that validation away.

Also, there will always be someone who doesn’t like your work no matter what you do. That’s natural.

Some people would not do anything unless they get praise. And if they don’t get it, they flip out. E.g., many people wouldn’t pick up a piece of litter on the floor, because they know they wouldn’t “get” anything from it.

I recently saw an interesting scene in a cafe: A young girl brought her used cup and trash to the dirty dishes area - and while she did that - a piece of used wrapper fell off her tray to the floor. She picked it up and put it into the trash can next to her. But she did not pick up a piece of a napkin that was already there on the floor, dropped by someone else.

We can see such behavior all the time. “I’ts not my job!” type of attitude.

This way of living by definition means that you make yourself low value. Just as a person who only does what he’s told, people who would only lift a finger to get something in return inevitably are saying that “I’m not in control of my life. I am dependent on recognition. If I don’t get the recognition, then I don’t do it.”.

If you’re depending on other people’s recognition and not your own, then you can’t be in control as you can’t control when or if you’ll get that recognition.

This means you have to constantly analyze whether or not to do something and how to do it so that other people would give that validation. Your behavior is not based on your own sense of purpose and boundaries but on the ones of other people.

Book recommendation:” The Courage to Be Disliked” by Ichiro Kishimi, Fumitake Koga.